America! The Podcast Presents: The Boston Massacre (Season 5, Episode 1) - TRANSCRIPT

TIM  
The following episode of "America! The Podcast" is based on historical events. This episode may contain descriptions of violence as well as triggering sounds like gunfire and cannon fire. Listener discretion is advised. Enjoy the show.

ANNOUNCER  
This episode of America the podcast is brought to you by Real American Unions. Hey there friend! You look...tired. Is that a bottle of pee in your hand? Gross! What’s that you say, the mega corporation that owns the factory you work in won’t give you proper bathroom breaks? You say that you're overworked and underpaid? We’ll have a I got a solution for you! Introducing real American Unions! With real American Unions you can safeguard your human dignity from that bullish boss of yours. Yes, you can have guaranteed health care, a living wage, paid overtime, legal representation in work related  matters, and much much more all for a low union due that most would say is obviously worth it. What’s that you say? Unions are communist and unamerican? You say that Communism failed in Russia and thus unions don’t work ? Well that’s like throwing your television just because the batteries in the remote don’t work. That’s kind of stupid. Where the hell did you get this information? From a sign in the employee bathroom that your company put up that says the Union dues will make you go broke? It kinda sounds like your company should pay you more instead of wasting paper on pointless signs which is exactly what a union would  help make happen. Don’t believe me? Well, what if I told you that your boss views you as a number and would replace you hours after you were killed by a robot on the warehouse floor and likely be relaced by that very automaton? Still don’t want to pay  that fee huh? Well fine. That’s you’re right as an American. To the rest of the American workforce who are tired of being taken advantage of by their employers, please try Real American Unions. Future generations of laborers (IE your children) will thank you for it. That’s Real American Unions, Available wherever freedom is sold, except for amazon.com of course.

THEB/ANNOUNCER  
[A ticking clock is heard. Epic music playing.] Previously on "America! The Podcast"

THEB/ANNOUNCER  
Which wire do I cut?

TIM  
I didn't know! 

THEB A. STARD  
These people are going to die, man! 

TIM  
I don't know! The  blue one? 

THEB A. STARD  
Wrong one! It's gunna blow!

EFFECT  
[EXPLOSION]

TIM  
that's not what happened it all.

THEB A. STARD  
I'm pretty sure that's exactly how the last four years went. At least it felt like a countdown to destruction down. 

TIM  
Yeah, for sure. Wait, how did you get my voice? 

THEB A. STARD  
I hired a voice actor on Fiverr. your whiny voice is surprisingly easy to imitate. I then drugged you and convinced you do edit the audio

TIM  
God dammit. Again? Whatever. So what have you been up to while we’ve been off? 

THEB A. STARD  
Well, let’s see. I visited each of my 208 homes and yachts, I purchased a lake up north called Lake Erie, mostly because I am a huge fan of the show “Erie, Indiana”, and I attended the Illuminati’s memorial service of Prince Philip. 

TIM  
Oh yeah. How was that? 

THEB A. STARD  
The service itself was held inside the great Sphinx, you know, tradition and all. I saw some old friends, both ancient and regular old. As for Prince Phillip, well he was delicious if you’re wondering. Not as good as George HW Bush, but Phillip was still pretty tender. Oh, word of advice, I bigly recommend a little habanero sauce when eating Greek people.  

TIM  
Wait, y'all eat your members when they die? 

THEB A. STARD  
Of course, how else would be absorbed their essence? 

TIM  
Hmm. So Alex Jones was right. 

THEB A. STARD  
Well, not about the baby eating thing. We're civilized and only eat dead adults to gain their power. But yes, he's mostly correct. Partially because he's a CIA disinformation agent. But he's also crazy and it would take a crazy person to come up with most of the things the Illuminati does. 

TIM  
Yeah, that tracks and guess Anything else? 

THEB A. STARD  
Well, I went to Georgia to lobby against the new voting laws. When the law still passed, I convinced all of my billionaire friends to pull their business from the state. Lesson learned for the Georgia GOP, fuck around with me and the American right to vote and you will indeed find out. Then all of the other states passed similar laws anyways so...yeah not a good time to be a voter. Oh and I got vaccinated. 

TIM  
But you’re like 200 something years old. Weren’t you qualified out-right to get your shot? Also didn’t you and the rest of the .01% get vaccinated for Covid 19 last year? 

THEB A. STARD  
Of course! I was vaccinated well before any of you poors. No, I was vaccinated for Covid 24.

TIM  
The hell is COVID 24? 

THEB A. STARD  
Eh, you’ll find out eventually. 

TIM  
Great. Well, Meantime, are you ready to start the show for this year? 

THEB A. STARD  
I guess so. 

THEB A. STARD  
Awesome! Here is your Rapid Fire News script. 

THEB A. STARD  
Right. Uh..ok. Right, okay. You can do this. These days, the news can come at you as fast as... as fast as.... as fast as... I can't do it. It's not the same since Donnie left. 

TIM  
But he's still around. 

THEB A. STARD  
Yeah but who cares? His google searches are at an all time low and he's starting to make up fake awards for himself all while living at his own resort. I went out there recently to use up the last of my Bigly Level member points and saw him crash a wedding to talk about his voting numbers. It wasn’t even the first time he’d done that apparently. To put it in his own words, it was, quote Sad exclamation point. End quote. My point is, Donald Trump is so...last presidency. And, yes, while Joe is flawed, I’d rather not dedicate my most important show to either of those two geriatrics or to whatever political kerfuffle pops up in these United States, at least for right now. There is more to the bigliest and bestliest of countries than its politics. Although, I have a feeling Senator and pile of worms in a human suit, Ted Cruz, will piss me off at some point. 

TIM  
I mean, I get it man, but there’s still a lot of shit going on. We still have kids in cages, tensions between Israel and Palestine are continuously escalating, and, like you said, voting rights are being taken away from hundreds of thousands of people at an exponential rate. You can’t just stay silent.  

THEB A. STARD  
Eh. That’s the GOP for you. If they're not fangirling over Israel they’re rigging the voting system. 

TIM  
See! right there. You still got it. 

THEB A. STARD  
Fine. I will concede to do Rapid Fire News on our Instagram Page - @americathepodcast. But I still hold true that America is more than its politics. 

TIM  
Okay, then what do we want to do? 

THEB A. STARD  
No idea.

TIM  
Dude, you can't.... You can't just say you want to change your show, and then not have an idea on how to change it. 

THEB A. STARD  
I’m the embodiment of America, a country that tends to smash things without a clear resolution. 

TIM  
God, you’re frustrating. Is this how you were at the beginning of the country? 

THEB A. STARD  
That's it! 

TIM  
What is? 

THEB A. STARD  
I'll tell the greatest story ever told. 

TIM  
The birth of Christ? 

THEB A. STARD  
Nope, not at all. 

TIM  
Star Wars? 

THEB A. STARD  
Wrong again but great movie nonetheless. No, this season on America! The Podcast, I will tell the most important story in all of the world, nay, in all of America - my story. 

TIM  
Oh, dang. That's actually not a bad idea. Okay, yeah, I'm down. Let's start from the beginning, maybe? 

THEB A. STARD  
Works for me, as that is usually where story’s begin, unless you’re George Lucas, of course. Yes, I would love nothing more than to talk about myself for the next three, maybe even four, seasons of America! The Podcast. 

TIM  
Well, we’ll see if people dig this season first and go from there. You ready to get started? 

THEB A. STARD  
I was born ready. 

TIM  
When were you born, exactly? 

MUSIC  
Well, I invite you to...FIND OUT TONIGHT on AMERICA! THE PODCAST! ["America! The Podcast" theme song plays]

TIM  
Okay, let's begin. So, when were you born, exactly? 

THEB A. STARD  
Well, I’ve always liked to keep it vague and keep people guessing, but it’s been long enough. I was born on July 4th, 1736 in Boston, Massachusetts. 

TIM  
So not in 1776 like you had said? 

THEB A. STARD  
Correct. I just said that to seem younger, but once you reach 200 people stop considering you a young person. I was born a normal, yet still magnificent person before being REBORN and becoming the embodiment of and only hope for America on July 4, 1776. It was a weird 40th birthday to say the least. 

TIM  
How did that happen? 

THEB A. STARD  
Well, if told in order, the actual story of how I became the demi-god you see and the American people hear and sometimes see, would literally make your head explode.

TIM  
Jesus! Seriously? 

THEB A. STARD  
Oh yes. I’ve inadvertently killed 2 people that way. One was Hitler and the other was Osama Bin Laden so, no loss there. A net gain in fact. What I can tell you is that through the magic of America, I have been involved in every notable event in American history. Simply put, I am not just the embodiment of and only hope for this great land and its people, I have been tasked by the old gods and the new to be America's witness and protector. Yes, I have proudly served as messenger and guardian, or as I prefer, Lobbyist, for the past 246 years. In exchange, I received my immortality, a membership into all of the cool secret groups, including the Baby Sitters club - VERY proud of that, as well as an untaxed salary of a million dollars a year from the US treasury department’s secret spending fund. 

TIM  
So the American people pay your salary? 

THEB A. STARD  
Oh yes. It’s in the constitution. 

TIM  
No, it's not. 

THEB A. STARD  
Oh, I mean the secret constitution the freemasons made. It’s the one that supersedes the norm...ya know what? I probably should not say anymore. 

TIM  
Right. Well, as for the story, when did the revolution begin for you personally? I guess pre or post magical transformation and untaxed salary. 

THEB A. STARD  
For starters, the Revolution and the war were two separate things. Most people like to lump them together, but the Revolution simply led to the war and still existed well after it ended. As for the beginning, well that started when god damn King George came for my money with all of those goddamn taxes. Irregardless of those dastardly taxes, America had no representation in parliament letting goddamn King George take my hard swindled money without me and my fellow colonists having a say in the matter. We had The Sugar Act and Currency Act of 1764, the Stamp Act and the quartering act a year later, I believe, and the Townshend acts in 1767. Now if those had been the Pete Townshend acts, I wouldn’t have cared as much, but alas, Pete would not be born for another 150 years. Worth the wait. Needless to say, the long list of American grievances goes on and on. 

TIM  
Why did the crown...

THEB A. STARD  
Bup bup! "Goddamn King George" 

TIM  
Right. Why did goddamn King George impose all of those taxes? 

THEB A. STARD  
He CLAIMED it was to pay for the 7 years war, but I don’t buy it. I mean sure, did he send in troops to defend the colonies from the French? Yes. Did he provide supplies to the colonies that were affected by the war? Obviously. He was a vain, conceited ass hole but wasn’t a monster. Did losing the 7 years war piss off the French enough to help America defeat the British and gain their independence, which later inspired the French Revolution? Totally. But should we have had to pay for any of that? Reflecting back...well...eh, probably. But we never fully did and never will. 

TIM  
Really? 

THEB A. STARD  
Indeed. America still hasn’t paid back its debts from the Revolution or any other war. Someone, not SAYING it was me, but SOMEONE, told the United States government that we could just borrow from other countries and say we’ll just pay it back later. However, one thing led to another and now, well, now we’re trillions in debt all over the world.

TIM  
Yeah, that tracks. So it was just the taxes that led to the Revolution? 

THEB A. STARD  
These weren’t just taxes! They were collecting taxes on my home that I already owned! They were doing the same thing to all of my rich friends too! 

TIM  
You mean like property taxes?

THEB A. STARD  
What the hell are property taxes? 

TIM  
Do you not pay those? 

THEB A. STARD  
Well, I don’t really DO the whole tax thing. I leave that to people like you - the poors. Although, I might jump on board with Bezos for this whole infrastructure thing Uncle President Joe’s got going on. Let’s see if that statement holds up in a few years. God knows our bridges won’t. [LAUGHS] Yes. Where was I? Ah yes. I was complaining about God Damn King George and his tax on my houses, ranches, compounds, that personal vacation territory I had that became Ohio, and, not to mention the real stick up everyone’s ass, the tax on tea.  

TIM  
What did you end up doing about them? 

THEB A. STARD  
Some of them were repealed by the courts and some were out-right ignored, but only after several acts of resistance. To put it simply, the blood of the rebellion was boiling. Specifically my blood and that of my countrymen - well the rich white landowners with a bottom line to lose that is. Yes, tensions were perpetually elevated between the British soldiers and the colonists - take the Boston Massacre. 

MUSIC  
["Yankee Doodle" plays]

EFFECT  
[The sound of townspeople comes up] 

THEB A. STARD  
Our story begins in Boston in March 1770. I was with my friend....

TIM  
 What the fuck is that? 

THEB A. STARD  
What are you talking about? 

TIM  
It sounded like... I thought.... I thought I heard... people. 

THEB A. STARD  
I think you've been in quarantine too long. May I continue? 

TIM  
Yeah. Okay, sorry. 

THEB A. STARD  
Very good. Our story begins in Boston in March 1770. I was... 

TIM  
There it is again! 

THEB A. STARD  
Would you just shut the fuh... Oh, wait. Oh, yes. I just remembered this is a side effect of my story telling powers. Whenever I regale people with stories from my past, me and those I am with are literally transported back to the date and time the story takes place.  

TIM  
Whoa, cool. Wait, can they? Can they see us? 

THEB A. STARD  
No, but we can see and hear them. They can SMELL us though, but everyone stank so bad during this period that it shouldn't be a issue. Plus, we’re in Boston. The whole place smells like clams and unwashed private parts - even back in 1770. That said, are you ready? 

TIM  
Yeah, yeah, I'm good. Just a little weirded out

THEB A. STARD  
Now. Boston. 1770. I was pub hopping with my friend, Crispus Attucks, a free man of african and native descent. There were only two pubs in Boston so we were just going back and forth, getting drunk between the two. Later in the evening, we decided to go snag some beers from our friend and the only drinkable revolutionary, Samuel Adams. While walking to Sam’s place, we passed by a british soldier. Trying to be cordial, I greeted him and his response was to tell me to eat my own butt.  

TIM  
I have a hard time believing a distinguished British soldier said that. 

THEB A. STARD  
Oh, yeah, just wait for it. 

THEB IN THE PAST  
Good evening, good soldier. 

BRITISH SOLDIER  
Eat your own arse, you colonist shit. 

THEB IN THE PAST  
Very well. Let’s go, Crispus. 

TIM  
Whoa. This story telling thing you can do is weird. 

THEB A. STARD  
Yeah. But it's pretty cool, though, right? 

TIM  
Oh, yeah, for sure. 

THEB A. STARD  
Indeed. Anyways, while I tend to be the bigger man, I wasn’t going to let that slide. As we passed the soldier, we came upon my wig maker's shop. I saw his apprentice outside and told him that if he were to start shouting obscenities at the soldier, he would receive a silver piece - two if he made the man cry. Fun fact - I ended up billing the United States government for the silver pieces after the fact as a cost of war. 

TIM  
Of course you did. 

THEB A. STARD  
We continued walking and both of us started laughing as we heard the obscenity start flying. 

APPRENTICE  
Oy! Your mother licks the kings arse hole, you stupid lobster! 

EFFECT  
[Theb and Crispus laugh]

THEB A. STARD  
After reaching Sam’s house and drinking a bit, we told him what had just happened and that made Sam go from zero to one hundred - well this was 1770 so, zero to twenty, I guess. With Sam worked up, the three of us, drunk off our collective asses, we set off to sing anti-red coat songs and stroll through town. While walking, we came back across the soldier and wig maker’s apprentice. As we walked up, we heard the apprentice call Goddamn King George a shit made of vomit and then we saw the soldier butt the apprentice with his rifle.

APPRENTICE  
King George is a shit made of vomit! 

EFFECT  
[THUD]

TIM  
Jesus, that's gross. 

THEB A. STARD  
It was a gross time. Most people only bathed once a week as it is. Not me of course, I had indoor plumbing before it was a regular thing and paid top pound for it too. Yes, I bathed every day - still do, except now I have a shower that works with Alexa. I had one back in 1830 as well, but that was just a shower that was hand cranked by a paid servant named Alexa. Goddamn King George tried to tax my water usage too. So what if I wasted hundreds of gallons of clean, boiled water every day. It’s not my fault someone hadn’t invented water purifiers yet. 

TIM  
Hundreds of gallons? How much do you shower? 

THEB A. STARD  
Twice a day, but the shower is so big it doubles as an artificial waterfall. It’s a rich person thing. You wouldn’t understand. Where was I? Ah yes. When we saw the boy go down after getting hit by the soldier, Sam ran to help him up while I went to alert the townspeople. 

TIM  
How'd you do that? 

THEB A. STARD  
I rang the church bell and started yelling fire, obviously. See - there I am. 

EFFECT  
[Theb in the past is heard yelling fire over a ringing churchbell]

THEB IN THE PAST  
Over 200 years later, I would do the same thing in several movie theaters, earning me the nickname “Banned for life from the Alamo Drafthouse”. But I digress. People came running to the streets thinking there was a fire until the wig maker’s apprentice told the people what happened. Crispus, as brave as his name is awesome, rallied a mob to surround the soldier, who had run back to get help from his compatriots. And I will stop there momentarily so I can make money off of you, the listener. So, feel free to Venmo show me one million dollars directly at your leisure. We’ll be right back after these messages. 

MUSIC  
[The "America! The Podcast" theme comes up]

ANNOUNCER  
"America! The Podcast" them is brought to you by "American Infrastructure". "American Infrastructure" - You better get across that bridge quick. 

MUSIC  
[The "America! The Podcast" theme comes up]

THEB A. STARD  
And we’re back with my tale of my very own experience of the Boston Massacre here on America! The Podcast. Lets see, where was I - ah yes. As I was ringing the church bell and shouting fire, Crispus Attucks was leading a mob of people to surround the soldier who had himself tried to run for help. His red coat comrades, led by Captain Thomas Preston, came out to the soldier’s defense as the crowd, armed with wooden rope making clubs, gathered around the soldier.  After my magnificent bell ringing arm grew fatigued, I myself joined the crowd. Keeping in mind, I was still boarding on black out drunk, I started telling people in the mob to throw snowballs at the soldiers. I was also still laughing and yelling fire - which I did not realize the crowd would also start to shout.  

TIM  
Jesus. You didn't. 

THEB A. STARD  
Yes, well. Upon hearing the crowd mimic my words and noticing the redcoats had their guns pointed at the crowd, I decided to move and get behind the soldiers for safety. As I walked down the alley behind the soldiers, still laughing loudly, I tossed a rock I was holding behind me. I was told that the rock struck a soldier in the head at that exact moment, I said…well... 

THEB IN THE PAST  
Oh, that was fun. I love yelling fire! 

THEB A. STARD  
Apparently, the red coats heard that last word and even with Captain Preston standing in front of them...well...bada bing bada bang...

EFFECT  
[Gun fire and a screaming crowd are heard]

THEB A. STARD  
...The Boston Massacre. 

EFFECT  
[Screams fade]

TIM  
Oh my god. 

THEB A. STARD  
All in all, I’d have to say it was one of my better parties. Way less people died than usual.

TIM  
So YOU’RE the one who yelled ‘fire’? You’re the one that caused all of this? 

THEB A. STARD  
Eh. More or less. Irregardless of my oopsie daisy, I will gladly take credit for starting the Revolutionary War. 

TIM  
That’s not what I meant. You caused a MASSACRE. Kids died, man.

THEB A. STARD  
Nooo. The soldier who couldn’t take a joke started it by striking a child. That wasn’t even the first child that the british harmed. A soldier killed a kid a little while before this. I mean, did the apprentice antagonize the soldier over and over again until he snapped? Yes. Had I earlier that day given that soldier a wedgie and a wet willie? Obviously I did and I obviously did not get caught. Is it a good idea to hurl insults, rocks, oyster shells, and glass at a group of armed military personnel who are pointing their guns at you? Probably not, but those were different times. People barely knew how to read. 

TIM  
What are you talking about? Men and women could both read and write back then.

THEB A. STARD  
Yes, but they couldn’t read emotions, like that of the red coats. Emotional intelligence wasn’t invented until 2019. 

TIM  
That...that…[sigh] that argument carries weight, I guess. The first part at least. But like, you still threw a rock and yelled fire from behind a group of armed soldiers. 

THEB A. STARD  
I was drunk! Is that not a valid excuse anymore?

TIM  
It was never a valid excuse. 

THEB A. STARD  
Fine. Well then, the soldiers should have known better than to shoot into a crowd, especially while Captain Preston was standing there. No one is denying that it was a terribly unfortunate event. I myself lost my dear friend Crispus in that mess, however, it did arguably make him the first martyr in the American Revolution so a notable death I would say.

TIM  
I guess, but you still started a riot, got your friend and other people killed, and got away with it. 

THEB A. STARD  
You say travesty, I say the spark that lit the fire of America’s rebellion against Goddamn King George. Listen, I mourned the loss of each person killed in the massacre, especially Crispus Attucks. Those god damn red coats didn’t have to fire their guns and were outright fools for doing so, even if they felt threatened. As soldiers, they should have, one, known the sound of Thomas Preston’s voice over mine, it was very nasally - you’d love him - and, two, they simply should have had their wits enough about them to just go inside or run away.   Besides, if it makes you feel any better, Boston as a whole was found at fault by the colonial courts thanks to Mr No-Monument and America’s second President, John Adams. He believed in both the power of the people and that justice should be indiscriminate in that the truth SHOULD always prevail. I’m just glad I never got caught. I could have been hung. Can you even imagine a world without ME in it? A world without America? Terrible place indeed. That’s the real moral of the story - always run when you’ve done something wrong so that you can live to create mischief another day.  

TIM  
That's a terrible moral. 

THEB A. STARD  
Yes, but it IS a moral and you said I had to have one in my show. It’s on you for not specifying in my contract what kind of morals. 

TIM  
Yeah, but a "moral" is... moral. 

THEB A. STARD  
Yes, but the tenets of morality are debatable. The British thought they were morally right for oppressing the colonists and we thought we were morally right for rebelling against that oppression whenever we could. It is always morally right to push back against those who oppress. And I mean ACTUALLY oppress. None of that “you’re trampling on my rights for making me wear a mask inside of Costco” kind of shit. Rebel against unfair voting laws. Rebel against officials and corporations standing in the way of climate change. Rebel against the oppression of who you are as a person - whether you are black or brown, gay or trans, an immigrant, a woman - always fight back against the oppressor...which in the cases of all of those I just mentioned seems to be white men. And that’s what the revolutionists did - fought back against white men.

TIM  
No. That’s not the same.

THEB A. STARD  
It's technically the same. 

TIM  
No, it's not. The overwhelming majority of you were white dudes back then.  

THEB A. STARD  
Ok, fine! You got me. We were the whitest of white. We even whitened our wigs. My wig was so white it was almost translucent. It even blinded a British colonel once.

TIM  
Weren’t white wigs for military officers and judges? 

THEB A. STARD  
Yes and, like General Washington, I served in the British army for a time, before they pissed me off that is. I was also a high ranking spy in the Revolution and am a pretty judge-y person as it is.  But my point still stands - we did rebel that day and it wouldn’t be for the last time either. Let me tell you about a certain tea party I attended in 1773, and it’s not the one you’re thinking about.  

TIM  
So it's not the Boston Tea Party? 

THEB A. STARD  
Ok. Maybe it IS the one you’re thinking about. How about we save this one for next time. All of this talk of tea has given me a craving for coffee.

TIM  
Not tea? 

THEB A. STARD  
God no. Never touch the stuff. But I will be damned if the American people are taxed for it. 

TIM  
You know we have taxes on tea now in some states, right? And like...taxes on everything else, basically.

THEB A. STARD  
Mayebe you do. Remember - I don’t do the tax thing. Just don’t tell the IRS. They won’t hear this right?

TIM  
They might.

THEB A. STARD  
Shit. I owe so, so much. Over 260 years of back taxes at least. I guess I’ll just start a revolution...which would be against myself...hmm. I am in a pickle. I’ll need time to figure this out. Should take about, oh, two weeks. Until I do, you can listen to all episodes of America! The Podcast on iTunes, Spotify, Youtube, Stitcher, and Shway Media, or on the podcast app of your choice. I will be back in your ears again soon, America, to regale you with more tales from the greatest story ever told - My perspective of the American Revolution.  Good night and good fight. I will see you next time on… 

MUSIC  
"America! The Podcast" theme plays - It's America! The Podcast

THEB A. STARD  
This has been America! The Podcast hosted by me, Thebadias A Stard, the embodiment and only hope for America. Tim is also there.   You can catch my very important show every week on Itunes, Spotify, Stitcher, Shway Media or where every you get your podcasts. Go ahead give us a five star review on one of those fancy apps while you’re at it. I command it.   You can also hear the show and access more content at America the podcast dot com.   And don’t forget to watch Rapid Fire News and other segments on TikTok and Instagram at america the podcast. You can also find us o Facebook and twitter if your into that sort of a thing.   Now to contractually credit the people who help make this show possible.   America! The Podcast is a Shway Media Media Original Podcast.  Writers for the show include Thebadias A Stard, Tim Phillippe, Alanah Matos, and Michael Sisemore.  The Executive producers for the show are  Alanah Matos and Tim Phillippe.  Sound design is by Tim Phillippe and all dialogue is recorded in Shway Media Studios.  All research and fact checking for the show was performed by Michael Sisemore and Tim Phillippe. A full list of research sources for this season of America! The Podcast is linked in the description of each episode.   The shows theme song is by Timmy Two Step and all other supporting audio heard in the show was procured through AudioBlocks.com, Freesound.org, and Ambient-Mixer.com A full list is linked in a description to this episode.   Thats it. Go on now, ya hear? 

ANNOUNCER  
This has been a production of Shway Media. All rights reserved. For more information please visit ShwayMedia.com