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Bad news! Tennessee has become the first state to make camping in public places a felony which effectively makes homelessness a federal crime in the state.
And now, in an attempt to cure your existential dread, here is a good dog.
This is been ”Bad News/Good Dog”!
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"Previously On America!” - Original Air Date - December 25, 2021, on Tik Tok and Instagram Reels.
Previously on America! The Christmas tree for the right wing propaganda network, Fox News, was recently set a-blaze - which can only mean one thing! The 2021 War On Christmas has begun! Grab your sharpened candy canes folks! It’s time for battle! For Christmas! This has been, "Previously On America!" "Previously On America!” - Original Air Date - December 16, 2021, on Tik Tok and Instagram Reels.
Previously on America! Representative and man hated by his own family, Paul Gosar, was censured recently after he tweeted a doctored video from the anime Attack On Titan, which depicted Gosar attacking President Biden and killing Representative Alexandria Ocasio Cortez with a sword. When asked for comment, former Wall Maria resident and survey corp child soldier, Eren Jaeger, shouted something at his friend Mikasa about needing to fight and then cried about his dead mother for a whole hour. This has been, "Previously On America!" "Previously On America!” - Original Air Date - December 11, 2021, on Tik Tok and Instagram Reels.
Previously on America! Former US Representative and teenager with Benjamin Buttons' disease, Beto O'Rourke, has announced that he is running for the governorship of Texas. Aaaand here come the text messages from the Beto O'Rourke campaign volunteers. Yep already have 10,000 text notifications all from Beto. You don't see Matthew McConaughey spam texting people... yet! This has been "Previously On America!" "Previously On America!” - Original Air Date - December 9, 2021, on Tik Tok and Instagram Reels.
Previously on America! Wild Wild West Cosplayer, Roger Stone and man who’s totally not deceased comedian, Bill Hicks, Alex Jones, are preparing to get real silly in Washington DC after it was announced that both men were subpoenaed by the January 6 panel. Though unconfirmed, it is speculated that Roger Stone will be arriving at Congress in some sort of Zeppelin, while Jones will be taking his preferred mode of transportation - burrowing through the earth like the Pokemon Diglett. This has been, "Previously On America!" "Previously On America! Original Air Date - December 3, 2021, on Tik Tok and Instagram Reels. Previously on America! Republican and healthier looking Brett Kavanaugh, Glenn Younkin,  has won the governorship of Virginia leaving Democrats with one less Governor seat.
Don't worry, Democrats, you'll pass the Equal Rights Amendment someday. All you need to do is win and hold at least 38 Governor seats and that should be no problem..... [LAUGHS] Oh my God, I almost burst my spleen. This has been, "Previously On America!" "Previously On America!” - Original Air Date - December 1, 2021, on Tik Tok and Instagram Reels.
Previously on America! Killer of human beings, Kyle Rittenhouse, who was found not guilty on all counts after a questionable trial, was recently offered an internship by Congressman and underwear skid mark, Matt Gaetz, and interviewed by Fox News host and General dumb person, Tucker Carlson, who called Rittenhouse a ”sweet kid.” In future news, Supreme Court Justice Kyle Rittenhouse was sworn in today by President Donald Trump Jr. This has been, "Previously On America!" "Previously On America! Original Air Date - November 26, 2021, on Tik Tok and Instagram Reels. Previously on America! Six year old avian monster, Big Bird, recently received the COVID-19 vaccination after it was announced that children as young as five could receive the shot causing conservatives to expectedly complain and call the inhabitants of Sesame Street communists. When asked for comment, a blue, furry, googly-eyed spokesperson stated that "Sesame Street not communist. How Fox get that idea? Now give me cookie and death to bourgeoisie!"  This has been "Previously on America!"
"Previously On America! Original Air Date - November 25, 2021, on Tik Tok and Instagram Reels.
Previously on America! Multiple insurrectionists have stated that Paul Gosar, a GOP representative whose own family campaigned against him during his election, promised anyone who attended the Capitol Riot a blanket pardon from former president and man who bottles his own farts, Donald J. Trump. That said, I will continue to report on the obvious and predictable things like GOP representatives helping domestic terrorists so stay tuned for more "Previously On America!" "Previously On America! Original Air Date - November 24, 2021, on Tik Tok and Instagram Reels.
Previously on America! Facebook, the social media site known for toppling nations and radicalizing your aunt Denise, has changed its corporate name to Meta in an effort to get people interested in their virtual reality world, known as the Metaverse. In future news, although flying tentacled robots have forced humanity to the center of the Earth where it is still warm, human spokesperson, Morpheus, still believes that The One will be born any day now inside the Metaverse. This has been, "Previously On America!"... and the Metaverse! |
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