"Did You Know This?!" Original Air Date - October 17, 2021, on Tik Tok and Instagram Reels.
Hello America! It’s me, Theb A Stard, the embodiment and only hope for America! And I just made a startling discovery! Did you know this? Did you know we have added a 5th season to our magnificent American calendar?
There’s of course Fall, known by your most insufferable friends as “spooky season”, then Winter, aka Jesus’ birthday season, then on to spring, so the flowers can regrow and the allergies of all humanity can once again take hold of their nostrils. After that, we move on to summer.
Sweet little summer. It once was a time to go outside with your friends, swim in one of your Olympic size swimming pools, go whaling on one of your Giga yachts.
But lurking in the humid shadows of this beloved season is none other than fire season. That’s right!
Did you know that thousands of fires have been raging across the country!
It’s true, I even heard California had at least one fire this year. What’s that? They’ve had over six thousand?! How so? Oh right, fire season!
According to the USDA, fire season used to last around 3 months but can now last 6-8 months.
This means it cuts into my spring gardening time and, even worse, my fall pumpkin spiced latte time!
What could have caused something terribly like fire season?!
Could it have been the deep state? No, I’m a member and would have heard something about it.
George Soros? Eh, probably not. I feel like he would have mentioned that at our last Illuminati meeting.
Ah! Maybe it’s that Jewish space laser Marjory Taylor Greene is always going on about? Oh, wait. Nope. Got the keys for the laser right here. Then what could it be?
Preposterous. How could climate change cause fires?
CUT TO Card reading “15 minutes of basic research later”
Jesus Christ! What have we done!
I invested so many billions not thinking that sweet sweet dinosaur goo could do any harm! I have to stop this somehow.
I guess I could put all of my investments into green energy. But someone on Fox News told me that’s stupid and unamerican so I don’t know.
I guess I can deal with the fires for now. I’ll just go to the top of a building if I see a fire approaching. It’s not like fire can climb or even burn down buildings right?
This has been “Did You Know This?!”