Hello America, it's me, Theb A. Stard, aka the embodiment of and only hope for America. And I recently heard that there was almost a coup after the January 6th Riot! America, did you know this?!
Did you know this?! Did you know that former president and sentient booger, Donald J. Trump, tried to stay in power after his term was over? I know! I am utterly shocked that a person who said, for years to the American people, that if he lost the election, he wouldn't accept the results when do such a thing!
How did I find out about this Olivia Pope level scandal? Well, I recently read a book by my friends, Bob Woodward and Robert Costa. Full disclosure, I've been a fan of Bob Woodward's ever since he and Bernstein interviewed me back in the 70s about the inner workings of the Nixon administration. Hmm, I wonder what happened to those interviews? I guess we'll never know. Anyways, their book parallel is the third detailing the corruption of the former administration since the big red tie connoisseur left office.
This book in particular details the events following the January 6 Capital riots, and boy are there some revelations in it. Amongst these revelations are a phone call between former Vice President and man with eyes as dead as his political career, Mike Pence, and a man who totally knows how to spell potato, former Vice President Dan Quail. In the phone call, Pence asked Quail if there was any way a coup would be possible, an idea Vice President Quail quickly shut down.
Separately, General Mark Milley, seen here with a "get me out of this room" look in his eyes, took a secret action to prevent the toddler and chief from nuking China during a temper tantrum. The general went as far as to use back channels to assure the Chinese government that our government was, you know, not collapsing.
Lastly, and arguably the most chilling revelation from Woodward and Costa's doom extravaganza, was that when the former vice president said that he could not overturn the election, QANONS orange savior said he did not want to be friends with Mike anymore. So tragic. A friendship for the ages dissolved in an instant. And all Mike had to do was you know, appease an angry mob that wanted to hang him and then install a senile wannabe billionaire as the first American dictator.
It was truly sad with an exclamation point - almost as sad as the fact that our democratic system of government was almost overturned by the former administration and then subsequently saved by Dan Quayle. Weird. That nuke thing was pretty scary too, but China would have just nuked us back and we could have called it even. It's been pretty hot lately with all this global warming going on. So a nuclear winter sounds pretty nice right about now.
This has been "Did you know this?"